One Wild Night
by Relatively Unknown
Summary: D has always taken Leon places- ballet, picnics, dreams... well, now it's Leon's turn to give D a taste of his own medicine. Rating is for language and some subject matter. Enter bar fights and philosophies, stage left.
1. Part One

A/N: First PSoH fic... ever... :grin: I have been reading the fandom for some time now  
and own the first five volumes (I know the ending, though, so I'm not completely  
clueless). 

This idea came out of sheer boredom. Seriously. The other day I took #5 to school to let a  
friend borrow (then he didn't show up-- idiot), so I took to rereading it in my study hall.  
This idea came.

What if Leon decided to give the Count a taste of his own medicine, so to speak? D has  
taken him to the ballet and to dinner, so naturally Leon should return the favor...

DUN DUN DUN!

Well, okay, not really, but I can't wait to write this. (I'm writing it as I go, so... yeah. I  
have no idea what's coming either.)

Enjoy.

* * *

"D, you here?" Leon called. "D-man, where are you!"

"Right here, Detective, you need not shout," D said, appearing from behind a curtain. He  
gestured toward the couch and table. "Tea, I presume?"

"Nah, D, not today. I'm in a bit of hurry, so I can't stay long," Leon said.

"Ah, come to accuse me in passing?"

Leon, ignoring D's teasing, smiled and said, "Actually, I've come to ask if you'd join me  
for a night on the town tonight."

"I-I beg your pardon?" D said, and it took all of Leon's restraint not to laugh at the  
Chinamen's obvious surprise.

"You heard me. You've taken me out to places, I think it's only fair that I take you  
someplace, right?"

"Why, Detective! You _do_ know some etiquette after all!" D said, the teasing making its  
return. Leon blushed a bit.

"Yeah, well, Mom did try to teach me... guess some of it sank in. Anyhow, are you going  
to join me or not?"

"Ah, I don't think that would be wise, Detective. I'm sure I have no business going to  
anyplace you frequent," D remarked. Leon glared.

"Hey, they ain't dives if that's what you're thinking! C'mon, I went to all your fancy-pants  
shit--"

"Language, Detective."

"--so why can't you go with me for one night?" Leon finished, ignoring the scold. "I  
mean, isn't that also a part of the etiquette deal? I'm returning the fucking favor here, isn't  
it right for you to accept?"

_Oh, he has me there_, D thought. _Damn, he's right... for once... and he knows it!_ D  
couldn't help but give the slightest glare at the smirking detective. He sighed, knowing  
that if he didn't acquiesce, Leon would through the proverbial hissy fit.

"May I inquire as to where we are going?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. The smirk stayed  
in place, perhaps even growing bigger.

"It's a surprise," he replied. D resisted the urge to roll his eyes. How did he know that was  
coming?

"Very well, Detective, I suppose I have no other option than to say yes."

"Sheesh, you sound as if I'm inviting you to torture," Leon said.

_Just about,_ D thought, _but I do owe it to him, even if only the rules of etiquette are  
forcing me. Still, I can't think it will be all bad... it can stand to reaffirm my belief that  
most humans are anything but humane._

"Anyhow, I'll be around at seven," Leon said, showing himself to the door. Just before it  
closed, he leaned back inside. "Oh, and D? I have a name for fuck's sake; use it, will ya?"

D didn't even get to properly scold him for language before he was gone from the  
doorway. Sitting down on his chair and fixing his tea, he sighed again, knowing he was  
resigned to his fate. It wasn't the fact that Leon had invited him out that disconcerted D  
the most-- it was the slightly diabolical edge that the detective's smirk had.

* * *

Suprising D for the second time that day, Leon had arrived at seven sharp. When he  
answered the door, the detective was wearing the same clothes as earlier and had a plastic  
bag with him. D looked questioning at it and Leon threw it to him. He pulled out a shirt  
and looked at it increduously.

"What is this?" he asked. The smirk was back.

"That, my man, is what _you_ are wearing tonight. No dresses or whatever unpronounceable  
word they're called."

"You are joking, I hope!"

"Nope. You're wearin' that. The jeans might be a little big since you are smaller than me,  
but there's a belt in there so that should help," he said. D just looked at him. "What? Get a  
move on, you don't want word to get around that you were late for something," he  
teased.

"Detective--" Leon held up a hand.

"What did I say? I have a name. Use it," he said. D took a deep breath, trying to retain  
control, and started again.

"Leon, I am not wearing this. I agreed to this outing merely because--"

"D!"

D was about to make a comment about continuous interruptions, but the seriousness in  
Leon's face made him stay silent. He couldn't deny that he saw a bit of hurt in the  
detective's blue eyes either.

"I dressed up for your ballet thing, remember?"

"You wore sneakers," D stated dryly.

"Fine, I don't exactly own that many fucking clothes to begin with and certainly nothing  
fancy, so I wore the best I had. I _hate_ ballet and plays and all that, but I went along with it  
anyhow and wore _clean_ clothes. Why's it so hard to wear a t-shirt and jeans? They're  
clean, if that's what you're worried about. C'mon, D. I'm gonna start sounding  
sentimental soon..."

If Leon had wanted to guilt him, he was succeeding. D had been to Leon's apartment on  
several occasions and knew for a fact he didn't have much of anything, including clothes.  
Add to that the slight pleading tone that his voice had held... D had agreed to go with  
him, he couldn't back out of that now, and it was evident that Leon wasn't going  
anywhere with him in his usual cheongsam, so it looked like he didn't have a choice.

"Very well," he said, disappearing behind a curtain.

As soon as he was out of sight, Leon did a silent victory dance. Finally, he had gotten the  
_Count_ to do something _he_ wanted. He had thought that it would take some serious  
prodding to get him to go out, let alone wear normal clothes, but Leon had succeeded. _Go  
Leon, it's your birthday! We're gonna party like it's your birthday!_ he sang mentally.

"Is this... fine?" D asked, reappearing.

Leon nearly didn't recognize him. He had picked out black t-shirt that someone  
ex-girlfriend had given him and never wore. It was a size too small for his tastes, but fit D  
fine. The jeans were loose, as Leon knew they would be, but seemed to fit well enough.  
He glanced down and saw that D was still wearing his slipper-like shoes. _Damn, I forgot  
all about shoes. I don't have an extra pair and I doubt he owns any sneakers or boots._ D  
was saying something, but Leon only caught the last half.

"What?"

"This," D said, pointing to the shirt's design. "isn't offensive or anything, is it?"

"Nah, it's a band logo. Van Halen, from back in the '80s. Good band," Leon explained.  
"Just remember that if anyone asks you who was the better singer, say Sammy Hagar. If  
they ask you why, just say 'because' and try to get away."

"Why?"

"Do you want to get caught in a verbal battle over a band you know nothing about?"

"No, I suppose not," D said.

"Too bad I can't do anything about your shoes. Oh, well--"

"What on earth is wrong my shoes?" D asked / snapped. Leon grinned nervously and  
headed for the door.

"Doesn't matter, everyone thinks you're gay anyhow," he said, ducking out to the street.

"What!" D squawked. He followed the infuriating detective, calling out to Q-chan over his  
shoulder.

"Watch the animals for me, would you? I need to go find something to throw at our dear  
detective's head!" Q-chan chirped his agreement, but the Count was already out the door.

* * *

"_We_ are going in _there_?"

"Oh, knock it off already, D. There's nothing wrong with the Roadhouse. It's made to  
look like a dive, but it's not. Best hamburgers and sloppy joes west of the Mississippi!  
And don't go into a panic, they have veggie burgers, I checked," Leon said.

"How very thoughtful of you," D said, feeling a bit guilty for being so harsh. Leon  
shrugged it off and they entered.

D had to admit the place did hold a kind of... charm... to it. The place was made to look  
like an old-fashioned wooden structure and had various signs and memorabilia all over the  
walls. The people were all casually dressed, with some lounging at the bar or eating at a  
booth. There were even a few families with young kids eating and seemingly enjoying  
themselves. _It only looks rough. It's tailored for children as well as adults,_ D thought,  
amazed. And somehow Leon appeared to belong here.

"Hey, hey, hey, it's my favorite bar-man!" a red-headed woman said, sidling up to Leon.

"Hey, Charlene," he replied. "The boys treatin' ya good?"

"You bet they have after that little talking-to you gave 'em," she said, laughing. D  
suddenly felt more out of place than he ever had before. He was thankful that Leon's  
clothes weren't of some itchy fabric, but he felt unsure in them, and that was something  
not to be liked. "So, tell me, Leon, the usual chair?"

"Nah, not tonight, Charlene. I brought a friend," he said, gesturing towards D, who was a  
bit intrigued at Leon calling him 'a friend'. He had never said that before. "This is D.  
Charlene, D; D, Charlene."

"It is a pleasure to meet you," D said, inclining. He expected to get a weird look and in  
fact did so, but it passed and she returned the greeting, slight bow and all.

"Well, now, I think I have the perfect table for you two. Follow me."

She led them to their table, which was off in one corner, giving them a perfect view of the  
entire restaurant. She gave them their menus, told them the specials, and then left, but not  
before thanking Leon for helping her out. D gave him an inquiring glance.

"Ah, about a week ago these guys were trying to rough her up, you know, be playful and  
whatnot. They were drunk off their asses and refused to quit. I was at the other end of the  
bar and when she came by I asked what was up. She told me and said that she couldn't tell  
her boss because he said one more complaint from her would get her fired. Asshole.  
Anyhow, I flashed my badge and escorted them outside where I gave them a little off-duty  
advice, if you know what I mean," he explained.

"Why, my dear Detective, I didn't know you were so chivalrous, especially concerning the  
state of your apartment." D hoped that didn't sound as biting to Leon as it did to him. He  
had meant to commend him, but the teasing was inevitable.

"That's one thing-- nobody gets hurt. Treating women, children, or anyone like shit is a  
crime in my book and I ain't about to let anyone go about doin' just that, on- or off-duty.  
And didn't I tell you to call me Leon?"

"Ah, yes, Leon. Well, your action are admirable, if the tactics questionable," D said,  
picking up the menu. Sure enough, they had a vegetarian section.

"Yeah, well, what comes around goes around," Leon replied. D noticed he didn't pick up  
the menu.

"Aren't you going to look?"

"I have the damn thing memorized. I'm here at least two or three times a week, only, as  
you can guess, I'm at the bar most nights," he said. "So? Is this place so bad?"

"No, I must say it does have a certain good quality about it. Seems, ah, how would you  
say it? Right up your alley?"

"Yeah, it is. Makes me think of home."

"Home? You are not from the city?"

"Well, yeah, but the outer edge of the 'burbs. I hated every moment of it. Had to get out  
of there, you know, go and live in the big city. And, well... here I am," he said. "What  
about you? You really from China or are you local?"

"De--, Leon, I can assure you, from China I came," D said, correcting himself. Old habits  
really do die hard.

"Oh, yeah? Good English for a bona fide foreigner. Sheesh, I know some guys at the  
precinct that I can't understand and they were _born_ speaking English," Leon said, rolling  
his eyes. D smiled.

"I had a very good teacher, plus I've been speaking it for some years now. It's second  
nature to me, you could say," he said. Leon gave a slight nod, but seemed distracted. D  
followed his gaze and noticed some men at the bar laughing. "Are they...?"

"The ones from the other night? Yup. Jerks. Wish I coulda hauled their asses in for  
something. Harassment would've gotten them a night in the tank and a chance to sober  
up, but Charlene would've had to lodge a complaint and like I said, that would've gotten  
her fired. There'll be a next time, though."

"Sadly," D said, giving a side-glare to the men. If they treated fellow members of their  
species that awfully, he dared not imagine what they would do to animals.

"Yeah, well, what can ya do?" Leon asked. D didn't get a chance to reply because  
Charlene was back, ready to take their order.

"So what will you boys have?" she asked.

"The usual for me. D?"

"Hmm, I think I would like to try this, ah, veggie burger, please?" D said, pointing to it on  
the menu.

"And to drink?"

"Tea, please."

"Sorry, hon, we don't have any," she said. D blanched. _No... tea!_

"Er, give him, uh... Vanilla Coke," Leon said. Charlene wrote it down.

"Alright, boys, it'll be here in about twenty minutes and I'll have you drinks in a jiffy." She  
left, leaving D still blanching.

"No tea? How could they not have tea!" he said. Leon looked sheepish.

"Sorry, I didn't check for that. I don't drink it except at your place or if I'm somewhere  
with you," he said. "But you'll like Vanilla Coke-- it's sweet."

"Well, I suppose it will have to do," D said, sighing. He seemed to be doing a lot of that  
lately.

A silence befell the two, but it wasn't entirely uncomfortable. Leon seemed lost in his  
thoughts, staring at the table before him. Even when Charlene came with his beer and D's  
Coke, he still stayed quiet. This was unusual for him, D knew, but kept silent as well and  
simply people-watched.

His drink wasn't that bad, really. It wasn't tea, but Leon had been right, it was sweet. The  
vanilla flavor made him think of the little cakes that Leon had started bringing that were  
hard to get. One had to rise early to get them, and D could never seem to get out of bed  
and down to the store fast enough. Of course, the store was on the other side of the city  
and D didn't drive and wasn't a fan of taxis or other public transportation, so walking the  
whole distance could prove to be an indomitable problem.

Fifteen minutes had passed now and Leon was still staring. Something was definitely up--  
D had never seen him so still for so long, even when he was lying asleep in the hospital  
bed.

"Leon?" he asked. Leon looked up, a bit surprised.

"Hmm? What?"

"What is wrong? You seem rather distracted."

"Oh," Leon said. He shrugged. "Some bullshit at work, that's all." D quirked an eyebrow  
and Leon sighed. "I'm on psych leave for a week."

" 'Psych leave'?"

"Yeah... last night I pulled double-duty because I needed some extra cash, right? Well, I  
figure it's just beat work, nothing to worry about. Pfft. Halfway through the night, me and  
this other guy are just cruisin' our beat, ya know, and everything's quiet, then BAM!  
Gunfire out of nowhere. We slam on the brakes and follow the sound to a nearby alley.  
Whoever shot the gun was long gone, but Johns-- the other guy-- went lookin' just in  
case. I stayed behind to see what he was shooting at and..." Leon paused and D could tell  
he was trying to get ahold of himself. "This woman had been mugged and he shot her...  
and her baby."

"Oh, no," D said.

"Yeah. Chief made me check in with the shrink as soon as I got back. The doc said I  
should be taken off the case. Said I wasn't showing my emotion or some shit like that.  
That's why I asked you to come with me tonight. At the moment you're the only friend  
I've got and I sure as hell know that sulking alone is a bitch," Leon said.

"Who's a bitch?" Charlene said, setting down their plates.

"Every ex-girlfriend I've ever had," Leon said quickly, holding up his beer, as if in a toast.

"There's a list," Charlene replied, turning her head to make a face. D saw and smiled a bit.

"Ha, ha, very funny," Leon said sarcastically. "You're practically a comedian."

"And a you're a walking joke, Leon," she said, causing D to hide his smile behind his  
hand.

"Oh, great, now you're _both_ laughing at me," Leon growled as Charlene left. The moment  
passed and solemnity once again cloaked them.

"So what are you doing for the week?"

"Well, I gotta check in with the doc once a day, but I can do that by phone. Other than  
that... I don't know, maybe go up to the old stompin' ground or cruise down the coast.  
Something," he said, taking a bite out of his cheeseburger. D nibbled at his. It wasn't  
anything near what Totetsu could make, but not half-bad. "What about you?"

"What about me what?" D asked.

"Tonight. You seem a little off yourself."

"Well, let's see, Detective, I'm in clothes I thought I wouldn't be caught dead wearing,  
I'm in a restaurant that normally would have me running for the hills, I'm drinking soda  
instead of tea, and feeling completely out of place," he said, noticing Leon wince. He  
smiled. "And I find that, despite all things, I'm actually enjoying myself."

"Really?" Finally, Leon was surprised instead of he! _About time,_ D thought.

"Don't push it, Detective," he murmured.

"D-- name!" Leon said.

"I'll use it if you refrain from cursing as much as you do," D said. Leon glared.

"Guess I'll live with 'Detective'," he said.

"De_tect_ive!" D said, and Leon grinned. "Oh, you are infuriating."

"And you ain't?" D glared, but then smirked and said nothing. "See! That's what I'm  
talkin' about! That damn smirk of yours."

"Language, Detective."

"Blah, blah, blah..."

* * *

Dinner went remarkably well, all things considered. The teasing was in full force and  
Charlene even joined in a time or two as she passed by, much to Leon's chagrine. The  
comfort they had around each other was like that of lifelong friends. It was amusing, to  
say the least, since they were so opposite in nature. Leon was loud, brash, and  
argumentative; D, on the other hand, was quiet, reserved most of the time, and kept his  
opinions to himself usually. Yet, even with this so, they still were friends.

"Ah, man, I'll be back," Leon said, getting up. D wondered, but then again, Leon had had  
three beers, so it was likely he was heading to the bathroom. Surprisingly, the detective  
wasn't-- or rather, appeared he wasn't-- drunk in the slightest.

Odd.

"Hey, lil' man," a voice said. D glanced up to see the men from the bar earlier. He  
narrowed his eyes and proceeded to ignore them. They weren't worth his time.

"Hey, asshole, Randy spoke to you!" the second man said.

"Chill, Steve, the guy probably doesn't even speak English," the first guy, Randy, said. He  
turned back to D and, putting his hands together and squinting, made a bow. "_Oy chee  
wah_?"

"Imbeciles," D muttered. Leon's assessment of the guys was more accurate than D cared  
to admit. Not only did they harass women, they made fun of other cultures.

"What d'ya say?" Steve said. "Hey Randy, I think he insulted us!"

"You insult yourselves well enough, you do not need me do it," D said. He glared, but his  
eyes wouldn't work on these drunken fools.

"That's it!" Randy grabbed D by the arm and hauled him out of the booth. D ducked the  
blow that was coming and slashed out with his nails. Four lines appeared across Randy's  
face. "Ah, fuck!" he yelled, letting go of D in favor of holding his face.

"I'll show you!" Steve yelled, and this time D went with hitting the guy square in the face.  
A crack was heard, and D knew he probably hurt his hand, but he couldn't help but smirk  
a bit at the obvious pain both were in.

"What the hell is going on here?" a guy asked, running up.

"I saw the whole thing, boss! These two jerks tried to attack him!" Charlene said, coming  
over from a nearby table.

"Is that so?" he asked. D nodded, now a bit uneasy as he saw all eyes were on him. "Well  
then, I guess I'll have to eject you from my property!"

"Hold on a sec there." D turned to see Leon approach. "If you hold on to them, I'll put in  
a call to the precinct and get some guys over here in ten minutes." He glanced at D. "Of  
course, that's if you'd like to press charges."

"Indeed I would," D growled, using a napkin to wipe the blood from his hand and nails.  
He looked at it in disgust before throwing it on the table.

"'Kay, then, I'll go call them now. Charlene, I think we'll take our check now. Here," he  
said, holding his wallet out to D, "pay and I'll meet you out front as soon as I'm done with  
these two jackasses."

"I will," D said.

Tonight was certainly turning out to be interesting.

* * *

"Sorry about all that back there. I can't believe all that racial shit is still going on in this  
day and age," Leon said.

"You have nothing to apologize for, my dear detective. You didn't commit those acts. I  
believe that perhaps I should apologize for ruining the evening."

"What, for handing their asses back to them? Hell no, D, don't apologize for that. God  
knows they deserved it! And you can bet that they won't be fucking with anyone who  
even looks remotely Asian," he said. "And besides, look at it this way-- free  
entertainment!"

"For you, perhaps," D said, but was smiling. "And now what? You said a night out on the  
town and the night is still young."

"You up for it still?"

"Why not? Besides that little incident, it has been going rather well I must say."

"Alright then," Leon said, grinning. "Time to hit the club."

" 'Hit the club'?"

* * *

A/N: Okay, this is the halfway point. It became a REALLY long oneshot, so I split it into  
two parts. Don't panic, I'm uploading both at once. So go on, already, to Part Two! (Or  
review, that would work, too. :grin:) 


	2. Part Two

A/N: Well, here's the second half. :grin: This next part will have humor, but it's going to  
be more philosophical. If Leon's OOC, it's all my fault. Sorry. 

The lyrics are from "Voodoo" by Godsmack and Leon's song quote is from "Paranoid" by  
Tantric.

Enjoy.

* * *

"Oh, dear..." D murmured. With wide eyes he stared at the nondescript building from  
which music poured out of in strains. The only thing marking it was a blue neon sign  
glaring the world 'Twilight'.

"Okay, okay, so it's not exactly a club... more like a popular bar with a dance floor. Wait,  
that is a club... eh, whatever," Leon said.

"Detective, I do not think this will work..." D said, give the building a once-over.

"Hey, don't knock it to you try it, ya know? C'mon, if you don't like it, we'll leave. Fair  
enough?" D didn't answer. "Look, I'm goin' in, Count. Come with me or wait in the car."

D knew for a fact that Leon only ever called him Count when he was ticked with him.  
Although very tempted to stay in the car and try to meditate, he knew it would be  
impossible. Also, if he didn't keep Leon from drowning his sorrows in drink they would be  
stuck here, for there was no way he would let Leon drive. Resigning himself to his fate  
(yet again), he hurried across the street to catch up with Leon.

"Changed your mind?" Leon said, when he noticed D walking beside him.

"You'll keep your word about leaving?"

"My word is one thing I don't break," Leon said as they approached the bouncer. There  
was a long line of people waiting, but he didn't seem to notice. "Hey, Chuck."

"Well, well, well, look-it who 'tis, the detective. How goes it, Orcot?"

"SSDD, what else?"

"I hear ya. You and a friend? What's... ah... his name?"

"D," he said. D gave a slight incline and smiled. Chuck gave him a nod in return.

"What's he worth?"

"A freebie?"

"Two," Chuck said, holding up two fingers.

"You got two last time, and if I remember it right, you got one left over from that. So  
one," Leon argued. Chuck thought about it. "Twenty bucks on the next office pool."

"Deal," Chuck said, moving the rope and letting them in much to the chagrine of everyone  
in line.

"Detective, might I ask what just transpired? You did not just barter for me I hope," D  
said as Leon guided him down a walkway and into the club itself.

"Yeah, but not the way you think. If I want to bring a friend along I have to convince  
Chuck it's worth the risk, so I give him freebies and bets on the office pool." One look  
told Leon that D wasn't following. "Chuck can be a bit rough when handling drunks,  
much like myself. Now, sadly, a lot of yuppie assholes frequent this place as well as us  
normal folk and they are sue-happy like you wouldn't believe. They get ordered out and  
they feel like it's their moral duty to throw their weight-- and money-- around," he  
explained. "Ah, here's a seat."

Leon had managed to snag a table on the first floor, a feat which made him grin like a  
Cheshire cat on the inside. D noted that the music was loud, but since they were nearer to  
the bar than the dance floor, it wasn't unbearable. He could still hear Leon, though the  
blonde had to speak louder than even what was usual for him.

"Now," Leon said, continuing, "a freebie is when the case become mysteriously lost. As  
long as there's no real proof of damage done other than to said yuppie's pride, the case is  
usually thrown out of court anyhow. This way we save the state and the taxpayers some  
cash."

"But this is out of your precinct's boundaries, is it not?" D inquired.

"I got a distant cousin who works in this one. Not real close, but I saved his ass one time  
and let's just say he's working off the debt."

"You make people pay for your help?" D couldn't help the venom that leaked into his  
voice.

"I didn't mean like that. I took the fall for him one time because while he was innocent,  
nobody believed him. Nearly cost me my job," Leon said, going on the defense. "And the  
working off the debt was his idea, not mine."

"Indeed," D said, but he doubt Leon heard him. A pair of young women walked by,  
distracting the detective and giving D the opportunity to survey the crowd.

It was an ecletic mix. Some people wore fancy, top-of-the-designer-line dresses, others  
looked like they had just gotten off work. Neither he nor Leon stood out, as several others  
he could see wore the jeans and a t-shirt combination, and for that D was thankful. While  
his cheongsams may have seemed attention-grabbing to Leon, they were actually rather  
common in Chinatown. Normally he wouldn't have minded standing out, but that incident  
from earlier reminded him that these people didn't who or what he was and had no respect  
for him at all. Not all were like this, Charlene being a good example, but D didn't want to  
take any chances. He did heal fast if anything did come up, but prevention was what he  
was aiming for.

"Want a drink?" Leon asked. D shook his head. Leon left to get one of his own,  
apparently. D seriously hoped it wasn't alcoholic.

"Hey, handsome," a girl said. It took D a moment to realize that she was speaking to him.  
He smiled.

"Hello." The girl raised an eyebrow. She was blonde and had her hair pulled up in some  
intricate fashion. She wore a shining iridescent dress that was cut about inch too short.

"My, what intriguing eyes," she said. "Care to dance, stranger?"

"No, but thank you," D replied. She pouted, but he said no more, and she left.

"Why didn't you dance with her?" Leon said, sitting down. D glanced at his drink, but it  
appeared harmless. "Don't like the music or was it her?"

"The music is..." D searched for a word that described the driving beat that was behind  
most of it so far. "It is... interesting. Certainly not what I am used to. And I was not what  
she was looking for."

"Fine, don't tell me. But hot damn was she smokin'!" he said. This time D didn't resist the  
urge to roll his eyes. Some days he wondered how the detective ever managed to get a  
date with anyone. "Try it."

"Try what?"

"Dancing. You don't have to be with a girl, just go dance." D quirked an eyebrow at this,  
but said nothing. "What, can't you dance?" Leon asked with a smirk.

"I can dance very well, Detective, however I am sure it's nothing you would know about,"  
D replied in his usual teasing tone. Sure enough, he saw Leon's temper arise.

"Oh, yeah? Prove it."

"I have no need to prove it to you. You can believe me or not, that is your decision," he  
said. Leon glared and D smiled.

"I will withhold all sugar from you."

"Please, I do not need you to feed me, I'll have you know," D said.

"I have a relative that works at an European-based chocolate factory upstate. I'm sure I  
can get you _the_ chocolate for half price."

D eyed him warily. "_The_ chocolate?" he asked. Leon nodded. "How much will I get?"

"Depends, but I can guarantee you a cake box," Leon said. D felt like crying with joy. To  
hell with pride and teasing the detective, he could lay his hands on not just any chocolate,  
but _the_ chocolate!

"You would not lie to me, would you?"

"Why would I? It's like I could get away with it Mr.-I-See-All."

"Very well," D said, calmly standing up and walking over to the dance floor. Inside,  
though, he was doing somersaults with joy.

Just as he arrived the song change and became haunted and entrancing. He did know how  
to dance, but he doubted it was anything Leon or any other person here knew about.  
Instead, he just left himself move with music, letting it guide him. Soon, he was lost in the  
song...

_MISSING WORDS_

Leon could see D from where he sat. He knew this song, but D probably didn't, so he  
must be making everything up as he went along. The mysterious Count hadn't been  
kidding; he could indeed dance, and Leon wasn't the only one noticing it. For some  
reason, the detective thought, this song seemed to fit D in an odd way. Charming warmth  
and frozenly lethal all rolled into one different eye-colored package.

_MISSING WORDS_

By the time the song ended, a good half of the club's eyes were on D. When the song  
changed to something completely different, the apparent spell was broken and D "woke  
up". He walked back over and sat down as if nothing had happen. He gave a side glance  
to Leon.

"Next weekend would be a splendid time for the chocolate to arrive," he said. Leon  
swallowed hard. He hadn't lied to D, he did have a relative that worked there, but they  
hadn't spoken since... well, since his mom had died almost eight years ago. This wasn't  
going to be easy.

"You got it," Leon said, managing a smile, but D's eyes were closed, lost in the music  
again.

* * *

How long they were there, D honestly didn't know, but once again he was surprised to  
find that he didn't want to leave. Of course he longed to go home and visit with his  
animals, but he also wanted to remain. It wasn't often that he socialized with others,  
despite what Leon thought, and it was a chance to both get out and spend time with the  
detective.

Oh, did Leon ever infuriate him! Intrigued him as well. His eyes worked on nearly  
everyone (provided they were sober), but the detective was one of the very few who it did  
not. As far as D could see, there was nothing exceptional that stood out that should make  
it so. Usually those who did were either of great mental capacity or knew about him and  
knew a trick or two to dodge his abilities. Obviously Leon was not of the first order, but  
neither could he be of the second. Those who knew the truth had to believe it, and if they  
believed it then they would see his pets' true forms. Leon did not, unless he was  
completely smashed from alcohol. Perhaps some inhibition kept him from seeing while  
sober? Why was he so resistant to believing? Why did he keep coming back to the pet  
shop to try and pin some murder or other disaster on D, when he obviously knew that it  
wasn't possible? And why, oh, why, did he keep calling D his friend?

All these questions were beginning to make D's head hurt. Either that or the pounding  
music was finally getting to him. He wondered if he could blame it on the horrible pick-up  
lines Leon had been using left and right. The Tennessee one nearly made him want to take  
Leon's glass and through it right at him, but it probably wouldn't have the same effect as a  
teacup.

"Detective, you are horrid at dating," D commented after Leon's last futile attempt. Leon  
shrugged.

"Ah, no harm, no foul. These girls don't know what they're missin' out on!" he said,  
leering at one or two. They ignored him. "Pfft, forget them."

_I'm sure they have already forgotten you_, D thought. Instead, he said, "My dear detective,  
sometimes you make me wonder."

"Wonder what?"

"Whether or not you have a mind beyond that in your pants at all."

"Hey, I got a brain, ya know," he said, pointing to his head. "You don't make it to  
detective without any wits."

"And yet you have no wit," D said dryly.

"Just wait and say that when I finally haul your skinny ass to jail!"

"We shall see."

Leon glowered, but decided to get another drink. D was curious as to what he was  
drinking, but didn't ask. Whatever it was, it was making the detective even more energetic  
and gittery than usual. When he came back, he had nothing.

"C'mon, let's get out of here," he said, glancing over his shoulder. D followed the look  
but saw no one standing out. He stood and left with Leon anyhow, remaining silent until  
they were in the car.

"May I inquire as to our quick departure?" he asked, knowing his tone would annoy the  
blonde.

"Ex-girlfriend sighting, and this one is particularly bitchy," Leon said, mentally adding that  
it was the one who had given him the shirt that D was now wearing.

"Language," D scolded without much enthusiasm. They drove in silence until reaching the  
bridge. The lanes were packed with traffic; it looked like an accident had occurred.

"Shit," Leon said. He rested his forehead on the steering wheel for a moment, then sat  
back. He checked his watch and looked around. Finally, he looked at D. "Up for one more  
trip?"

"Another club?" Leon shook his head. "You are driving, Detective. Where you take us is  
your decision, not mine."

"Fine," Leon said, sighing and jamming the car into reverse. Backing up, then doing a  
U-turn, he soon had them cruising in the other direction. He turned off the main road onto  
a side street that led them down to near the docks. He stopped the car when the street  
turned to dirt. "C'mon," he said, getting out. "Follow me."

Perplexed by the detective's actions and attitude, D followed quietly. He wasn't sure how  
Leon was picking his way through the rock and rubble in the dark, but however he was  
doing it he seemed to know exactly where he was going. About ten minutes later they  
were at the base of some sort of cliff. It wasn't natural, that much D could tell. A fallen  
down building, perhaps?

Leon began climbing the "face" of whatever it was, so D had no choice but to follow. In  
truth, he could make the entire climb in two great leaps, but he dared not do that in front  
of Leon, especially in the mood he was in now. So up he went, pretending to the good  
little human most thought him to be. He was almost to the top when he saw a hand  
appear. Looking up, he saw Leon leaning over the edge, offering a hand to help him up.  
He took it and was hauled up, not roughly, but not all too gently either.

"Here we are," Leon said with a great sigh.

D turned and looked over the edge and nearly gasped at the view. From where they stood  
the bay was quite visible, and on a clear night like this the stars reflected on the water,  
intermingling with the lights from the city itself. He could see the bridge in the distance.  
Here there was no light from fixtures or any other artificial source, making the darkness  
that more real.

"It's wonderful," D whispered. Leon said nothing, merely sat down on nearby boulder.

"Sit," he ordered, and D complied, sitting down beside him.

"What is this place?" he asked quietly. Leon took a moment to answer.

"I come here to think sometimes. Found it in my first year as a cop. There was a murder  
over there," he said, nodding behind him and to the left, "and I was stuck here helping the  
clean-up crew. Night fell and I looked out... and this was here. Haven't brought anyone  
else out here before."

"I feel honored," D said. Leon stayed silent and several minutes went by.

"Leon...? What is wrong?" D asked. It was obvious something was wrong, and D  
wondered if it had anything to do with his 'psych leave'. He wanted to talk about it, or  
else he wouldn't have brought D out here.

Leon took a deep breath and let it out before answering. "Everything, D. I feel like it's all  
falling apart at the seams. I told you what happened with the woman and her baby. It  
wasn't just because of that that the doc gave me leave. I knew them, D. They lived down  
the hall from me. She was a single mom; in college for cryin' out loud. The father beat it  
out of town before the kid was even born. I mean, what asshole abandons his unborn child  
and the mother like that? And it's not like he didn't know-- I could hear their fights in my  
apartment, as did everyone else on the floor. It took every ounce of self-control I had not  
to go down there and beat the shit out of the guy. Everyone on the floor helped her out,  
since her parents had died and she was on her own. Hell, I'm the one that called the  
ambulance when Mrs. Shaker knocked and said she was in labor."

D didn't know what to say. He doubted any words would be comforting, so he let Leon  
just talk. That itself could heal many things, or at least lessen the burden of bearing them  
so often.

"And it's not just that. The capt'n has been on my case for a few weeks now, ridin' me  
about this or that shit. Jill, too. Don't get me wrong, she's definitely helpful, but lately  
she's been on some kind of PMS from hell and is out to destroy any guy that crosses her  
path, including me, and I didn't even do anything for once. On top of all that, I'm goin'  
for broke-- literally--, I haven't had a date in months, my family is driving me off the deep  
end about going to New York, my only friend isn't even human and a suspect, and I'm  
getting dumped with weird-ass cases every fucking week."

D would've felt a twinge of guilt at the last comment, but he didn't even hear it. _His only  
friend... isn't even human? Could he... but how? How could he know?_

"I'm guessing by your silence you caught what I said. No, I have no fucking clue what you  
are, but I know you ain't human. You can't be. And to be honest, D, I really don't give a  
flying fuck," he said. "Fits in nice and neat with all the other warped shit that is my life."

"I will not deny what you say. You are correct; I am not human," D said. "And about  
everything else... I do not know what to tell you."

"What, you mean that the infamously wise Count D is speechless?" Leon said, for a  
moment almost back to his usual self. "Well, damn, call Ripley's." He paused. "On second  
thought, forget that. I doubt even they'd believe all this bizarre shit."

"You humans never truly cease to astound me," D said. Leon looked at him curiously.  
"Even when you are feeling the most hopeless, you still manage to humor yourselves.  
Never is there only one emotion for you; you are always a concoction of several.  
Sometimes you are driven to go on merely because of your emotions, and other times  
those same emotions destroy you. You can be as vicious and feral as any of the creatures  
of earth or as reserved and intelligent as any of my kind."

"Yeah, we are a wacked-out bunch, aren't we?"

"Indeed, maybe that's why my pets love humans so much."

"Like that lizard killing herself?"

"Yes," D said. There was another pause.

"I wouldn't say I'm hopeless, D, just disillusioned. Like I told Chuck, SSDD."

"And that is?" D asked.

"Same shit, different day," Leon replied. D smiled despite the language.

"An accurate, if coarse description."

"Understatement of the fucking year," Leon muttered. "I just don't know where I go from  
here. I love my job and wouldn't give it up for the world, but it's making me want to jump  
out the nearest window lately. Like the song goes, 'Why bleed for the wicked if the  
wicked don't bleed for me'."

"Because, Leon, you care about others. The loyalty you show to your fellow human  
beings is admirable, even to my kind. I have been around a long time and I can tell you  
that such loyalty isn't often shown. You would willing sacrifice yourself for another to  
protect them-- that is why you became an officer of the law, is it not?"

"Yeah. Back then I thought I could take on the world. Now... I can barely handle San  
Francisco," Leon said. He looked at D. "So just how old are you?"

"Ah, my dear detective, it isn't nice to ask one's age," D replied, smirk in place. To his  
surprise (yet again), Leon laughed.

"Yeah, I s'pose not. So just what are you? Can you answer that?"

"I thought you didn't care."

"I meant I didn't care if you were human or not, I'll still drag you off to jail," Leon  
retorted. It was D's turn to laugh.

"You can try, Detective. But to answer your question, I am... ah... how should I put it? A  
kami, so to speak, but not a god in the way you think of it. Think of me more as an... earth  
spirit, you could say," D said.

"Well, that explains you and your damn pets," Leon said. "What about the eyes? Earth  
spirit related?"

"That's a secret, Detective," D said.

Leon gave a slight glare, but only said, "Ignorance is bliss."

"So it would seem."

"Any other advice, O Wise One? Like you said, you've been around a long time. Gotta  
have _something_ useful locked away in that sneaky mind of yours," Leon said, tapping his  
own head for emphasis.

"Simply this: take one day at a time," D told him.

"What, that's it? No light effects? No drums in the background? No godly appearances?"

"Often, Detective, the most complicated problems have simplest answers." Leon stared at  
him for a minute, thinking it over, then turned to face the view.

"And the simplest ones have the complicated answers, right?" D merely smiled. "Problem  
is, D, I don't what's what or what to believe any more. I never gave much thought to God  
or any other supernatural being, but here I am talking to you. I always thought everything  
was just black and white, right and wrong, cut and dry. Now... everything just seems like  
chaos. No rhyme, no reason, just complete chaos."

"That's one problem all you humans have," D said.

"What?"

"You try to control everything. Life, death, good, bad... you always have to be in control.  
You can't force nature or anything else to be what it's not. There's a balance to it all.  
Remember the dream at the museum? The tiger and her cubs? That is the balance."

Leon thought about that for a moment. The Count had a point, he knew, which wasn't  
surprising. Hell, even now his mind was telling him that none of this could be real, that D  
_had_ to be human, but he knew better. D had never lied outright before, so why would he  
now? Truth was, he being an earth spirit made a lot of things make more sense. Leon  
wondered...

"D, does being an earth spirit mean you're connected to nature?" D felt a bit surprised that  
Leon made the connection, but probably knew he shouldn't. The detective was certainly  
inquisitive and despite appearance it looked like most things didn't escape his attention.

"Yes."

"So is it like the idea with fairies that if you didn't believe in them, they didn't exist?"

"Similar, Detective. My existence depends upon nature, not belief. If nature dies, I die. My  
father, my sister, my grandfather, and all the others would die."

"No wonder you got upset in that dream," Leon said, "but I still stand by what I said. I  
wouldn't have stood by and watched you get killed. Can you even be killed? Eh,  
whatever, too much for my brain to handle. But I gotta ask-- wouldn't your trying to stop  
the destruction of nature be that control you accused me and the rest of the human race  
of?"

"Sometimes nature can't maintain the balance herself and needs a little help," D replied.

"In other words, it's okay for you to do it, but not us?" Leon growled. "What the hell is  
that?"

"The difference, Detective, is that my kind know when to act and when not to; you  
humans rarely have such an ability."

"So you're back to tellin' me that I shouldn't try to control everything? By me and  
everyone else trying to control it all, nature's balance is thrown off, right?" _Ah_, D thought,  
_he made the connection. Perhaps I should have more faith in him._ "I know if I can do  
that, D. I just can't sit on the sidelines and let people get killed or watch bad things happen  
and not try to do anything about it. I became a cop to help and protect people, and,  
damnit, that's what I'm going to do. I get what you're saying, but I can't do it."

"I never expected you to. One of your famous men once said, 'You may never know what  
results will come from your action. But if you do nothing, there will be no result.' You are  
what you are, Leon. A human, and you cannot be anything but that. If you and the rest of  
mankind did not try control everything, then there would be no use for my existence. My  
kind exist because you do. Everything is a balance. You understand, and that's more than  
most can say."

"So what I am supposed to do? We can talk philosophy all night long, but that doesn't  
change the fact that I have to face the world tomorrow and I'm not sure I can do it. It's  
great that I understand, but where does that get me? The world is an ugly place, D-- you  
can't deny that. I see it with my own eyes everyday. It all seems pointless. I know it's not,  
but I can't help but feel that it is," Leon said, sighing deeply. He felt a hundred years old.

"Even though you are young, you are battle weary, Leon. You've seen more than most  
men do in a lifetime, and it's a hard burden to bear. You've done things you're not proud  
of and it makes you feel like you're not as worthy to be who and what you are," D said.

"You sound like you're talking from experience."

"More than you'll ever know, Detective. But if there is ever anything your kind possesses  
that cannot be denied by anyone as great, then it is your ability to endure. Time and time  
again mankind should have become extinct, but against all odds you have survived and  
endured the greatest of hardships. You may be just a human, but you have more power  
within you than you will ever truly know," D said. "As I said earlier, take one day at a  
time."

"You know, I've always tried to live each day like it's my last, because let's face it-- it just  
might be. Live in the moment and all that. Now I'm thinking that maybe I had the right  
idea all along."

"No harm, no foul," D said, quoting Leon. Leon smiled.

"Yeah."

* * *

They had remained at the lookout for some time after that, before realizing how late it  
was. The ride home had been silent, but a peaceful silence. They arrived at the pet shop  
just before midnight.

"It was, in spite of my hesitations, a wonderful evening, Detective. I thank you for inviting  
me," D said, standing at the door to his shop.

"Eh, I probably should be thanking you, though considering how much I apologized  
tonight I'd only further ruin my reputation if I did," Leon said, waiving it off.

"Oh, and what reputation would that be?" D said, teasing. This was really starting to  
become a bad habit with him.

"The best damn detective in all of San Fran!" Leon replied without missing a beat. He  
grew a bit somber. "It was a hell of night, D, but I'm glad you were there."

"As was I," D said, noticing the discomfort the detective had about admitting that. "And  
you're welcome." Leon nodded and started up the steps when D realized he was still  
wearing the t-shirt and jeans. "Detective, your clothes!"

"Keep 'em. Who knows, maybe you'll change your mind and start wearing normal  
clothes!" he said without stopping.

"I do!" D replied, but Leon had already reached his car and gotten in. D sighed for what  
seemed like the hundredth time that night and went inside his shop.

That detective! He was so infuriating! But, even with all his bad qualities, he had some  
redeeming ones as well. He was certainly an asset to mankind, and a prime example of  
both the good and the bad of the species.

D was Leon's only friend, as the detective had said, and, if he didn't count his pets, Leon  
was his. Never before had a human been so laid-back and forthcoming with him, and if he  
was to be honest with himself... he truly didn't mind it.

Much.

* * *

A/N: The end. That was certainly a weird trip! I still don't know how I got from there to  
here, but I did and here it is.

How did Leon know what D was? I gave him credit for having more brains than he acts  
like has. I tried to keep him as close to "canon" as possible, but with him spouting  
philosophical questions, that's not exactly easy. D, too.

Anyhow, here it is. Take it or leave it, it's up to you. Please review if you can.


End file.
